To Be or NOT To Be ...
To be or not to be. That was the question I was just faced with earlier.
Upon joining SL I hadn't a clue as to what I would do with my avatar as it explored the SL world. Shopping of course was a must. Where can a girl teleport to so many shopping malls all across vast regions and point and click and Chaching! No where but on SL .. hmm unless you're Paris Hilton? Then came the opportunity to buy a small and quaint island for myself where I spent countless hours looking for the right furniture pieces to go with my minimalist style. Then it was done. Complete. Now what?
After a few days of exloring and looking for nifty tech gadgets to play with in my SL home it suddenly happened. Well, not suddenly, but it was as if a personality (if I can call it that) started to form within my avatar. From where I know not but it was there. I somehow gave up the asymmetrical, olive, miniskirt and midrif bearing, see-thru, white shirt and diamond studded, belly button ring (I kept the stiletto heels) and started wearing suits! Business suits from a great place called Little Rebel (for those of you that want to know) and black rimmed glasses and a pulled back hairstyle.
I suddenly felt that it wasn't enough that my conversations with people were genuine and honest but that I also had to dress the part of someone who could be taken seriously.
Now this is really somewhat of a mind bender for me since I've always harped on IMAGE being important in the three dimensional world but was not essential in the big scheme of things. And as this blog is on the influence of Greater Consciousness, it was obvious that the Greater Consciousness was not with me that day I decided this.
Now of course the Greater Consciousness cannot be WITH you or you cannot be WITHOUT it since you ARE part of it but somehow it seemed as if I was separated from it or rather NOT AWARE of it. Or was I?
I started taking on this role of what I have always wanted to do in RL.
Eversince that fateful day in October 1996 when I gave up my life for the Greater Service of humanity I've only had glimpses that I was on the right path. You see, I've heard that the spiritual path was often the most difficult, I can attest to this, but even so, the challenges can get so overwhelming that I often felt I veered far off from the road less travelled and in fact jumped on a Gray Hound bus to Tijuana!
In SL you still have those challenges and tempations but it is easier to take a step back and be aware of your actions and how it affects others because you do not have the variable burden of work, family and financial matters to get in the way. You can actually BE the THIRD eye of your avatar and watch it, consciously manoevering its way around SL from behind.
And of course your avatars perceptions and its reactions to things are based on your preceptions and reactions to things in SL as well as RL - thus affecting your avatars behaviour.
Earlier, I had the opportunity of allowing my avatar to indulge in the free act of sexual exploration with a very kind and rather witty male avatar with whom I had met a few days ago. His candor and expression of 'avatar sexuality' was incredibly appealing. But I had chosen to refrain from engaging despite his charm and harmless flirtation.
Today, my sexy and charming avatar friend told me something to the affect of, ".... it's too bad that you cannot allow yourself to enjoy and be free here in SL. Isn't that what SL is about? A place to let go of your worries, to just enjoy and relax and have fun? For what is the point of having a SL if you are still bounded by the same restrictions you have in RL?"
WOW.
I knew that my behaviour stemmed from a conscious choice to NOT engage in such matters but after my avatar friend told me that .. I had to wonder.
Why did I make that choice to maintain a certain level of conduct here in SL. Was it really important to present a certain image in SL? Did it really matter how my avatar behaved or what activities it chose to engage in? Afterall, everyone knows that SL is just a creation by Linden Lab. And one of the purposes of having an SL is so you can reinvent and be anything you want to be had you had the opportunity of an SL. You can CHOOSE to BE .....
I am aware of this fact. I am aware of the nature of SL and that it opens an avenue of opportunity for self exploration or neurotic self expression. I am aware. But for some reason, I have not been able to separate the "me" of RL with the extension of "myself" in SL.
I suppose that the key word in the last sentence is 'extension'.
Are our avatars really just an extension of our selves? And if so, what allows some avatars to choose 'freedom' from social norms and socially accepted behaviour in RL and me, Maxine Montale to remain 'disengaged'?
Why am I unable to freely express my sexuality and feel comfortable with it in SL? Especially when I have not been able to do the same, for years .. in RL?
Upon joining SL I hadn't a clue as to what I would do with my avatar as it explored the SL world. Shopping of course was a must. Where can a girl teleport to so many shopping malls all across vast regions and point and click and Chaching! No where but on SL .. hmm unless you're Paris Hilton? Then came the opportunity to buy a small and quaint island for myself where I spent countless hours looking for the right furniture pieces to go with my minimalist style. Then it was done. Complete. Now what?
After a few days of exloring and looking for nifty tech gadgets to play with in my SL home it suddenly happened. Well, not suddenly, but it was as if a personality (if I can call it that) started to form within my avatar. From where I know not but it was there. I somehow gave up the asymmetrical, olive, miniskirt and midrif bearing, see-thru, white shirt and diamond studded, belly button ring (I kept the stiletto heels) and started wearing suits! Business suits from a great place called Little Rebel (for those of you that want to know) and black rimmed glasses and a pulled back hairstyle.
I suddenly felt that it wasn't enough that my conversations with people were genuine and honest but that I also had to dress the part of someone who could be taken seriously.
Now this is really somewhat of a mind bender for me since I've always harped on IMAGE being important in the three dimensional world but was not essential in the big scheme of things. And as this blog is on the influence of Greater Consciousness, it was obvious that the Greater Consciousness was not with me that day I decided this.
Now of course the Greater Consciousness cannot be WITH you or you cannot be WITHOUT it since you ARE part of it but somehow it seemed as if I was separated from it or rather NOT AWARE of it. Or was I?
I started taking on this role of what I have always wanted to do in RL.
Eversince that fateful day in October 1996 when I gave up my life for the Greater Service of humanity I've only had glimpses that I was on the right path. You see, I've heard that the spiritual path was often the most difficult, I can attest to this, but even so, the challenges can get so overwhelming that I often felt I veered far off from the road less travelled and in fact jumped on a Gray Hound bus to Tijuana!
In SL you still have those challenges and tempations but it is easier to take a step back and be aware of your actions and how it affects others because you do not have the variable burden of work, family and financial matters to get in the way. You can actually BE the THIRD eye of your avatar and watch it, consciously manoevering its way around SL from behind.
And of course your avatars perceptions and its reactions to things are based on your preceptions and reactions to things in SL as well as RL - thus affecting your avatars behaviour.
Earlier, I had the opportunity of allowing my avatar to indulge in the free act of sexual exploration with a very kind and rather witty male avatar with whom I had met a few days ago. His candor and expression of 'avatar sexuality' was incredibly appealing. But I had chosen to refrain from engaging despite his charm and harmless flirtation.
Today, my sexy and charming avatar friend told me something to the affect of, ".... it's too bad that you cannot allow yourself to enjoy and be free here in SL. Isn't that what SL is about? A place to let go of your worries, to just enjoy and relax and have fun? For what is the point of having a SL if you are still bounded by the same restrictions you have in RL?"
WOW.
I knew that my behaviour stemmed from a conscious choice to NOT engage in such matters but after my avatar friend told me that .. I had to wonder.
Why did I make that choice to maintain a certain level of conduct here in SL. Was it really important to present a certain image in SL? Did it really matter how my avatar behaved or what activities it chose to engage in? Afterall, everyone knows that SL is just a creation by Linden Lab. And one of the purposes of having an SL is so you can reinvent and be anything you want to be had you had the opportunity of an SL. You can CHOOSE to BE .....
I am aware of this fact. I am aware of the nature of SL and that it opens an avenue of opportunity for self exploration or neurotic self expression. I am aware. But for some reason, I have not been able to separate the "me" of RL with the extension of "myself" in SL.
I suppose that the key word in the last sentence is 'extension'.
Are our avatars really just an extension of our selves? And if so, what allows some avatars to choose 'freedom' from social norms and socially accepted behaviour in RL and me, Maxine Montale to remain 'disengaged'?
Why am I unable to freely express my sexuality and feel comfortable with it in SL? Especially when I have not been able to do the same, for years .. in RL?
posted by Maxine Montale at 6:23 PM
1 Comments:
Maxine, I think we are alike in the way we think of our AV's. They are an extension of our RL selves. And SL is not just a "game".
You reminded me so much when you said you had a moment of awakening. When you started wearing suits. I did something to that extent, and stopped using all kinds of crazy hairstyles and my AV became more like my RL brunette self. (But Im weak, and my AV looks good as a blonde...:P) Your blog reminded me so much of this struggle I had.
But I know there are AV's out there "played" by "gamers". I think a lot of them are guys, probably from other online games. So this is just another game for them. They have no idea how emotionally attached we can grow to our AV's.
Anyways, thanks for your blog. I am very glad to hear someone else confronting the same issues.
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